My Song

At last...

after a decade of searching for the right song that would perfectly depict my feelings for the one and only...

I got it...

WALANG KAPALIT

Rey Valera

Huwag magtaka kung ako ay hindi na naghihintay

Sa anumang kapalit ng inalay kong pag-ibig

Kulang man ang iyong pagtingin

Ang lahat sa iyo'y ibibigay

Kahit di mo man pinapansin

Huwag mangamba hindi kita paghahanapan pa

Ng anumang kapalit ng inalay kong pag-ibig

Sadyang ganito ang nagmamahal

Di ka dapat mabahala hinanakit sa aki'y walang-wala

At kung hindi man dumating sa akin ang panahon

Na ako ay mahalin mo rin

Asahan mong di ako magdaramdam

Kahit ako ay nasasaktan

Huwag mo lang ipagkait na ika'y aking mahalin

Huwag mangamba hindi kita paghahanapan pa

Ng anumang kapalit ng inalay kong pag-ibig

Sadyang ganito ang nagmamahal

Di ka dapat mabahala hinanakit sa aki'y walang-wala

At kung hindi man dumating sa akin ang panahon

Na ako ay mahalin mo rin

Asahan mong di ako magdaramdam

Kahit ako ay nasasaktan

Huwag mo lang ipagkait na ika'y aking mahalin

...at least for now, this is how I feel...

Too Dazzled to Stay in the Light

According to Plato's Myth of the Cave, we were all prisoners once, chained and bounded inside a cave that's enveloped by drakness. But one day, one of us is dragged towards the light. It's against our will of course. We fear that which we don't know. But still we are dragged towards the Sun, the source of light, the source of enlightenment. Here we see that which is permanent, that which is for eternity. We see what's real and its difference from the shadows. And so we are enlightened.
-end-

But enlightenment carries with it a burden, a certain burden of just having the knowledge, of knowing the Truth and not just the truth. And as plain human beings, it's hard to live by this Truth. More often than not, those who are enlightened get blinded by too much ilght. And so they would wish to go back to the cave, back to the home where they were raised.

Just like me...
Literally, I love darkness. In the dark, I have total freedom. I can simply be me. I can lay down naked and no one can see. I get too tired with the brightness emitted by the Sun. I get too blinded by the light it shines upon. No wonder, philosophically, I'm starting to get tired too. I'm starting to go back towards the darkness.

Away from the Sun and back towards the Cave.

I'm starting to fix up my life for the future ahead, the kind of life that 99% of the people on earth go through, the kind of life back there in the cave.

The Unproven Theory

I said I would need a lifetime to prove it. But people are itching to hear it. And so I thought I'd write about the simplest story I can imagine to give them a glimpse of this new theory of mine.

I started writing about it two days ago. But now I've decided not to post it yet. It seemed that there's more to it and to show a part of this theory would only give people the benefit of misinterpreting it. This theory can encompass each person's perspective. Indeed, contrary to my previous belief, there really is a "Mr. Right" but this theory can explain further what do we really mean by our usage of the word "right". Yes, true love gives happiness and laughter but sadness and pain is still present. It's just that there is happiness that can be seen in every pain so it would seem to us that it's pure happiness. It's more than just the "rainbow after every rain" kind of thing. In fact, it's totally none like that.

So much more other ideas can be tackled in here that I can actually produce a book just discussing about this single theory.

Crazy it may seem, but open your eyes and open your heart and you'll see the truth in this and how we all liked to live in lies instead. Yes, WE.

You against Them, The Mirror and The Art

One may ask "How do you get by your life with all those miseries?"
Misery, Sadness, Longing, Pain..it's all a part of being human.

You may think that the person sitting next to you in class will never feel sadness, or at least not in the same manner as how you feel. He is the most popular guy in school, he's so smart, so handsome, so outspoken, so cheerful and surrounded by friends. He even has a girl to put his arms around. But if you were with him as he goes home, lies down on his bed, closes his eyes and ponder, you would have been ashamed of yourself for then you'll know that you were wrong all along. By then you would have known all the struggles he is facing.

We all contend with something within us.
The difference lies with how we deal with it.

It's not like our life is always going the wrong way. It's just that our vision sees the wrong image. We have our vision of I, the one that we see in the mirror and the other I, or the one that's how we want to see ourselves. And how we want to see ourselves rarely differ from how the person standing or sitting next to us want to see himself. Our dreams live by the ideals. We want a nice life, we want a happy lovelife, we want a nice education, we want a recognized talent.....and the list goes on and on.

We want all that is idealistic.
But just like the Utopian society, such can never be achieved.


Where did all those notions come from then? I believe it's mainly from the works of Charles Parrault and the Grimm brothers. So, is it their fault or our parents fault that we are bounded by these fantasies of meeting prince charming and living in a palace with him? I guess not. After all, it has been a tradition. And for them, it is but a mere commencement of our learning. But driving down to one's subconscious, these fairy tales may in fact be the very reasons that we are so fond of having such imageries in our heads. Imageries about our lives, or about the frustrated lives that we can not really have.

What makes things much harder is the fact that we continue to build up this imagery in our subconscious as we watch romantic flicks, read fiction novels, listen to senti- music, and surround our walls with various arts. But art and reality can never be meshed into one. As one of my professors would say (rephrased) If we are to show what happens in reality, it would plainly suck. It won't be considered an art.

Couples would part ways and come back together after what we may now consider a lifetime. Love songs would be used to serenade women. Poetry is used to catch ladies' attention. And we fall for these...we all fall for it because of the beauty it presents.

What is art without the beauty?
But then again, what is life outside reality?

(hard to put things into simple words, whew! it looked like chaotic thoughts again...but it really isn't..I hope you get my point.)

Magtatapat na ba ako sa kanya?

Quote of the day:

"If you shut up truth and bury it under the ground, it will but grow, and gather to itself such explosive power that the day it bursts through it will blow up everything in its way."

– Émile Zola

M.U.

Napakarami nang lumuha
Napakarami na ang naging sawi
Akala mo kasi kayo na
Iyon pala wala lang sa kanya

Maling Akala?

Naniniwala naman ako sa tinatawag nating mutual understanding pero harapin na natin ang katotohanan. Kailangan pa rin natin itong pag-usapan. Hindi naman pwedeng umasa na lang kayo na may nararamdaman nga kayo para sa isa't-isa. Hindi mo naman siguro gugustuhing gumising isang araw na may iba na siyang kasama.

Dahil kaya napagod sa paghihintay?
Dahil kaya ang bagong pag-ibig ay mas matibay?
O baka naman dahil hindi talaga mutual ang akala mong mutual nga.

Tama na ang patorpe-torpe...
Lapitan mo na!!!
Tama na ang pakiramdaman...
Kausapin mo na!!

(di related sa M.U. pero baka inspirational sa mga torpe)
Mahal kita pero hindi mo lang alam
Hindi mo alam kasi hindi mo naman ako tinitignan
Ayaw mo naman itanong sa akin
Kasi baka nga naman hindi naman ikaw
At hindi ko rin naman sa'yo sasabihin
Kasi ayoko pa sa ngayon na manligaw
Mahal kita pero hindi nga lang halata
Hindi halata kasi wala naman akong ginagawa
Hindi ako kumikibo, hindi ako nagsasalita, wala!
Pero hindi ako torpe
Hindi ko lang talaga masabi sa'yo ng harapan
Mahal kita pero dehins mo pa rin ramdam
Hindi mo ko titignan, hindi rin kita titignan
Lagi mo lang akong pakikiramdaman
Lagi rin kitang pakikiramdaman
At araw-araw tayong magdededmahan
Hanggang sa tayo ay magkabistuhan
Pero ngayong malapit nang matapos ang kanta ko
Nais kong magkaalaman na
Nais kong ako na rin ang magsabi sayo ng harapan
Kasi alam kong dun din naman ang tuloy nyan
At dalawa rin lang naman ang posibleng sagot dyan,
oo o hinde
Kaya eto na sasabihin ko na para matapos na
At hindi na magka-tsismisan pa
Sasabihin ko na para wala nang problema
At para hindi na rin kayong lahat nabibitin pa

nagbabalik...

IS CUPID FOR REAL?
Surely, you've heard of him. But do you believe?

At first, I thought of him as the guy with wings, carrying a bow and an arrow and who is responsible for the so called "love at first sight". But if not all people experience this, then it would mean that this guy have some favoritism...

And then I thought of him as a mere symbolism. A symbol that reminds us that love is alive, and that love when experienced brings with it a sort of pain, that kind of hurting that is inevitable.

After some time, I saw him as just a mere fictional character that has been created by some author. And it's only those imaginative people who derived lots of meanings from a piece of literature that gave so much of an importance to this cherubic boy.

But now, how would one explain...
The handsome smart guy who falls for a girl na mukhang salagubang (according to one of my professors)
Or the pretty lovely lady who came from a prominent family falling for a kuba (also according to him)
What about straight guys who fall for homosexuals
Or straight girls who fall for lesbians
How?

So, is he for real? Or still one of those figures created by mankind in search of an explanation to unexplainable phenomena?

DECEPTION
I was just looking at the patterns on the floor mat of the jeep that I rode in as I went home this afternoon. As one looks at it in a glance, he'll notice that there is a horizontal and a vertical pattern printed on it. But if one looks more carefully, he'll see that all patterns have been laid out in a vertical manner. There are no horizontal patterns that can be seen. But the placement of the vertical patterns made it look as if there were horizontal patterns too.
Deceiving...
Much like those peolpe whom we pass by
Much like those people around us
Whether the deciving pattern was the intention of the floor mat maker(much like an artist if that was a piece of art) or not, I couldn't really tell
Same as is with the people around us
We can never be certain whether it is their intention to deceive us
But if we just look closer, we'll know
We'll surely know...

Problem is we're all too busy to even take time to look at such a seemingly insignificant matter...


TEXT MESSAGE
We can never be happy
with something that is wrong...
but if somewhere along the way
what was wrong has made us happy...
then it must have been right all along...

And who sent me this huh?!?!

SINO BA AKO?
Sino ba ako?
Kung sino ako ay hindi dahil lang sa kung ano ako
Ito ay dahil rin sa mga taong nagdaan sa buhay ko
Mariin man natin itong itanggi, marami sa taong ilang segundo lang natin nakasalamuha ay humubog sa ating pagkatao

Sino ba ako?
Ako'y iyong makikilala hindi lamang sa pag-uugali ko
Maaring sa pakikitungo ko sa iyo o sa simpleng pagkilos at pakikipag-usap ko
Pero higit mo rin akong makikilala sa mga taong sinasamahan ko
Sa mga kaibigang aking karamay
At sa mga magulang na responsable kaya't ako'y naririto

Sagutin mo, sino nga ba ako?