Bye for now...

People say my life is interesting
Oh yes it is! (or shall I say it was?)
It started in full bloom,
like a garden that's full of different colors
in various shades
of red and green
of yellow and blue
of violet and pink
of orange and brown
of silver and of gold

But as of now, it lies in black and white
and a little bit of gray area too...
And it is because of this gray area that I would wish not to speak(BLOG) for some time...

I would keep everything inside just as I had for almost four years now...

But I'm still going to pour out every pain, joy, laughter and heartache in my story as I relive those memories once again

http://loscuentosdemivida.blogspot.com

But why? Why when I myself would advise dozens and dozens of people to just let it all out?
For one,
I already feel guilty that I have told someone my story while leaving the very person who should have known it all in the ditch of innocence.
Second,
I just realized after recounting my story that I still can't relate it without sheding a million tears. I narrated it over YM and yet in front of this inanimate monitor I wept. I told it for a night and yet for days I cried.

If this is love I still ain't sure but believe me I have experienced
infatuation
crushes
sexual inclinations
obssessions
"love at first sight"
and much more stupid emotions...
but I know for certain it's none of these

but "love" for me is a word that carries a deep meaning
and yet is still too shallow a word for what I'm feeling


Just a piece of advice before I go...
Never try to repress your feelings because when it comes back, everything will be much harder.

So long...

Kailangan Ko

(paano ko ba sasabihin sa kanya ito?)

Kailangan mo ng tulong, tanong niya
Dito lang ako, sabi niya

Lumipas ang panahon
At ang tangi kong tugon
Kailangan ko ng oras mo
Kailangan ko ng tulong mo
Kailangan kita

Pero ang di ko masabing talagang kailangan ko ay iyong kailanganin niya ako

Taboo

(love can be philia, eros, or agape...but there are those kinds of love that exist in between of these, and there is one that surfaces above it all, almost that of agape if not only for our limitations as a human)

There are notions that have been built inside our minds even before someone else has mentioned it to us
Ideas that were formed in our heads even before our friends have discussed it with us, before our professors have lectured it to us, before our parents have even taught us.

And one of those things is the fact about
"Singles know love more than most couples do"

A notion
I formed inside my head
Confirmed by one of my professors
But more so by the living experience of the people around me


And now...I realized there's more to it...something about the chain, something about the unspoken truths of the human race, something which I myslef shall never speak about
to anyone
no,
not to anyone...

Macrocosmo

(she gave me the idea and yet her response was "huh?!")

We all live in a single planet called the earth
But inside this globe exists billion more worlds
Worlds that are created by each one of us
We pass life by forming one, two, or dozens of them
Depending on how life dealt with us
And how we dealt with life
And yet there are those people
Who always form a part of our own little world
And also people who always included us in their own world
Sad part is...
Those two worlds are still apart
And depressing as it may seem
It may never be one

rjb07kamdjkoqk81

...wala lng...
I was one who wondered about the guy(girl) who started the text quote that says this phrase connotates something far deeper. At first, I thought he(she) was only torpe, someone who can't express his(her) feelings to the person he(she) loves. Maybe...maybe not. After sometime, I thought maybe he's (she's) not just torpe but also not so good with words.
But now I know...yes now I know...



WHY?
You love a person not for beauty because beauty fades
You don't love a person for his personality because he may change
You love a person not for the commonalities because there will still be some disparities
You don't love a person for his brains because memory along with the mind's ability drains

For what reason would you love a person then?
Nothing...
you just do....


Having asked people about love...
they'll think...and think....and think.....
and later on they'll say something which they aren'treally sure if that's their final answer...
but the bottomline?
"...di ko ma-explain..."

Sa kanya...
it's a totally different
thing
feeling
vision
intention
direction
acceptance

ah basta...
di ko ma-explain
ayun...wala lang...


Answers please...
A lot of questions still ring inside my head. People may have answers of their own...based on their second-hand knowledge, based on their experiences, based on their scientific studies, etc....
but there' no certainty in that
just as scientific claims has been proven and disproven
just as our notions continue to be developed or debunked
just as sociology continues its research for answers and scratch out the previous prints
and so I asked HIM to guide certain people and enlighten them to enlighten me...

Funny...but among the many answers that I got...the best I ever had is...
"don't expect nga to have all questions answered.. "
"bka di p ngaun pra mlman ang sagot.."

My story in pieces of quotes...

You know what?
When I woke up this morning, I almost gave up on loving. I told myself to get over everything since nothing's ever happened and nothing's happening and I don't think something will ever happen. But as I was looking through some of my treasured quotes this afternoon, I changed my mind. I still can't disregard the truth behind this line...

"Life is a journey, and love is what makes the journey worthwhile."



We are young and full of dreams...
And so I traveled on, searching for the THE ideal man...
And then I met someone and realized...

"No one is perfect until you fall in love with them."

But of course, I still questioned myself...Bakit siya pa?
Ang sagot...

"It's called falling in love because you don't force yourself to fall, you just do."

At first akala ko usual lang 'to. Can relate namn kayo dito di ba?

"Should I smile because we're friends or should I cry because that's what we'll ever be?"

But my situation is different, it's really hard. I always feel that this challenge I'm contending with inside me is far harder than anyone else'...
Ganun pala talaga...

"If you have the courage to love, you have the courage to suffer."

After some time, we separated paths...and years passed with me still thinking of that someone. Then one day, bigla na lang may realization...

"The hardest part of dreaming about someone you love is having to wake up."

It's hard, really really hard.

"Whoever said goodbye doesn't mean forever, has never said goodbye to someone who means everything to them."

"Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew."

But I somehow did move on...
I even met new people along the way...
Pero sabi ko sa sarili ko...

"Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command."

And so here I am...almost an adult and still single...
Then one day...

"Love is like a river, always changing, but always finding you again somewhere down the road."

We talked...and then I realized...

"Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and blows up the bonfire."

So here I am dreaming again...thinking what if maging kami...
Kaya lang hindi talaga eh...once again, sabi sa akin...

"Love is like magic, but sometimes magic is nothing but an illusion."

Sometimes I really want to give up...pero alam nyo, hindi talaga yun ganun kadali. I thought before it's really over for me. But now that we've seen each other again, there was that feeling again, and I've never been like this to anyone...not in any of my million puppy loves or crushes. So eto...tanging consolation ko sa sarili ko...

"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love."

Sana yan na lang ang ending...mas ok na, kaya lang something inside me is saying, "give up on that hope! It's just not right." Sagot naman sa akin...

"There's nothing wrong with what you feel. It's what you do with what you feel that makes it right or wrong."

So paano, tanong ko. Magmamahal na lang ako pero deep inside lang. Hindi pwedeng sabihin, hindi pwedeng ipaalam. Eh di ba...

"Love unexpressed is a crime against the heart."

So now, what?

Euphoria

I am speechless right now....


I can't put into words what I'm feeling right now


BEFORE 13:00 STRIKES!
It all started out last night
I couldn't sleep
Once again there's tossing and turning for almost an hour
Then darkness finally arrived
I woke up not in the usual manner
A pretty early start to take charge over a simple responsibility
After which I went through my own personal duties
My day would have started out bad if not for this unusual feeling inside
But there my heart goes, beating as if it never beat before
I started to eat my lunch
But my stomach had a hard time digesting
I was supposed to go to school after
But the driver was late, so late
I got apprehensive as my father got anxious
Traffic piled up as a truck ceased moving on a two-way lane
On we go to the service road
Villamor
Boulevard
Vito Cruz here I come
La Salle
Tension rises
I just couldn't explain
And the unforeseen happened
Not one, but two!
Not one, but two!

In my Mem0ry

Places so clear.
People so dear.
Events I recall.
I've been through it all.
Dreamlike in memory
Yet unobscured by reality
déjà vu
déjà vu
Oh are you true?


Cryptomnesia - aka "concealed recollection," is a very common phenomenon. It is often the means of recalling to mind certain experiences that one otherwise would not remember.


Reincarnation
1. Rebirth of the soul in another body.
2. A reappearance or revitalization in another form; a new embodiment

source: www.answers.com

PAANYAYA

Susubaybayang KA-I-BI-GAN
Munting serye hango sa tala-arawan ni Ian Gabriel

Ang Tala-arawan
Ang isang tala-arawan ay nagtataglay ng isang bahagi ng ating buhay. Nilalarawan nito ang ating pakikisalamuha sa iba't-ibang taong nakikilala natin, ang ating pananaw sa ilang mga isyu, at ang ating pag-uugali sa pagharap sa mga pagsubok ng buhay. Maaaring ang isang tala-arawan ay nagsasaad lamang ng simlpeng mga pangyayari sa buhay ng isang tao ngunit subukang basahin at basahing muli at siguradong may ibang bagay ka pang mapupulot dito.

Ang tala-arawan ni Ian Gabriel
Isinasalarawan nito ang mga pagsubok na hinaharap ng mga kabataan at ng bawat isa sa atin. Sinasalamin din nito ang pagkakaiba-iba ng bawat isa. Napapaloob rin rito ang ilan sa hindi maipaliwanag na bagay sa mundo tulad ng tinatawag nating the irony of life. Minsa'y puno ng damdamin, minsa'y puno ng leksyon. Ngunit maituturing na bukod tangi ang tala-arawan ni Ian Gabriel dahil sa pagpapakita nito ng isang damdaming iba sa lahat, iyong tipong kay lakas at kay tibay ngunit kinakaya pa ring maging malumanay, isang damdaming mahirap dalhin kaya't minsa'y hinahayaan na lamang sa ibang kamay...ang pag-ibig para sa isang kaibigang iniisip pa rin hanggang ngayon kung hanggang kaibigan na nga lang ba.

Simula na sa ika-17 ng Hunyo 2006 @
http://loscuentosdemivida.blogspot.com/


Kung ito man ay may bahid ng katotohanan o purong kathang-isip lamang, kayo na ang humusga!

THANK YOU...

At the back of our LASARET information booklet, this was written:
We hope LASARET is not your last retreat.

I don't know why but the meaning for me is different than how the others may have seen it.

With this thought, I decided to thank the person/persons whom I might owe my every breath

Thanks to that someone who cares
Who utters my name in his/her prayers

Be that person an avid commenter on this blog, a silent reader perhaps or even if he is not a reader at all.
I just hope this word of apprecaitaion reaches him/her.

kaya pala...

In my desire for them
I tend to be like them
In my hope to be like them
I tend to like them
This is why I am I
This is why I am me



I still have to search for the Psychological theory behind this