THE YEAR THAT WAS

In just a few moments, we can do nothing but put 2005 in our records of the past.
But I’m certain that memories made will surely last.
And so, here’s a recap of the events that took place (in my life) this year:

Another year has come. A new term is about to start.
New people to meet, new challenges to surpass, and new lessons to learn…
At first, there was anxiety and excitement but as I went on, I became more comfortable with the people around me, made new friends, got used to writing "2005" instead of "2004" and created some memories…

During the month of hearts, people around me seemed to be filled with love. Some friends of mine received a bouquet of flowers and some went out on their usual Valentines Day date. But just like before, there were no candlelight dinner for me, or a dozen rose, or a box of chocolates. Nil! But this year is still something memorable for me. Why? Because we have been serenaded right at the middle of the conservatory. Surely, it wasn’t meant for me but for a lady I just met that term. But still it’s a wonderful memory I’d bring with me, a memory of the friendship I’ve had with TIIS (T.I. I’m Single). It’s also this valentine when a really cute and deep guy made a friendly invite (no malice, he’s taken!) to a mini-concert to be held inside the school…UNFORTUNATELY, I have to turn it down because I had a midterm exam right at that exact time. In addition, apart from receiving the numerous text and greetings of "Happy Valentines" from friends, I also got one from my present crush then. Now, isn’t that a sweep-me-off-my-feet kind of experience?!?!

Nice experience for my valentines but not so much for my summer as my summer this year didn’t feel much like the summers when I was younger, summers spent with my dear neighbors…summers when we’d meet new people, treasure new friends, or merely hang-out with each other playing cards or board games, cycling ‘round the village, doing crazy dares, playing tag or hide-and-seek or merely sharing with each other the current happenings in our lives. Indeed, we have grown up. Truly, we now have different interests and spend our lives in separate paths. But it NEVER occurred to me that this time will come when I’d be spending more time inside my house than I ever did my whole life. And I just feel oh so alone. There were still people in our subdivision of course, even friends and acquaintances I met along the way. But then the place still seemed deserted. And the home I once found outside our house doesn’t seem home to me anymore.

Thanks to my family and relatives that I still had a home to go on to. The yearly summer outing was still held as usual. And so though summer was quite uneventful this year, I still had some fun with it. But the sad part was one family is about to depart and leave our country, which means this might be the last summer outing they’ll be spending with us. But surprises come our way, so we never know…someday, they might be back or we might be there! (I hope! hehe..)

‘Round the middle of the year, a new life was set by God for my one and only sibling. Indeed after tears there is joy and laughter. Yes, my brother has found his better(or should I say best J ) half.
So, sorry to all the other girls out there.

It was also in this time of the year when I told myself to let go of that someone whom I had been clinging to for years, knowing that nothing will really happen and that my waiting is only worthless. And so I focused on my friends and studies. It was this term when I enjoyed modular accounting (Is that possible? Oh, yes it is!) All right, I admit resorting to Old Testament for a particular sub-module but I can assure you that there really was an effort on my part now as compared to the previous module.

Less than 3 months before the end of the term, I saw (couldn’t really say "met") someone new, someone who again I know can never be mine. [read Last Few Days & Last Day ]So after much careful thinking and after relaying it to God during the misa de gallo, I told myself that I had to let go!

I’m still hurting when I had a reunion with my high school friends. And it was then when I realized more the stupidity that I was in. It’s then when I finally saw that we’re about to leave the world of teenagers soon. In a year’s time, all of us will be true ADULTS. And as such, we are about to face far more serious things. It is through their stories that I was able to see what Reality is really all about.

Right before and after Christmas this year, I was crying. Not once in my Christmas eves or morning had I ever cried. But now I had. I can still remember my Christmas last year when I was also in agony because of that ‘previous’ someone. But back then I did not cry…why this time?
Is it because this feeling is something deeper? (though I know it’s REALLY NOT!)
Is it because someone so special to me was missing in our family reunion?
Is it because it’s the very first time I felt the presence of God inside a Catholic Church?
Is it because I have seen how God continues to stand by me amidst all the sins I’m doing?
Or maybe it’s because I just didn’t know how to react to the mixed emotions I’m feeling?
--There’s sadness, there’s joy, there’s guilt, there’s forgiveness, there’s longing, there’s fulfillment and at the same time I have that peace, the kind of peace that the priest talked about, the one that’s not tantamount to having no problems, no conflicts, the peace that you know someone’s inside you working amidst all those things you’re facing, the peace that you have Him in your life—
I don’t know, but I wasn’t able to help my tears from falling.

School this year was tough. Though I enjoyed the second module, I can’t say I made it through easily (duh?! Auditing?!) And so were the two other terms. Combining Incotax and Busitax was a real challenge. In addition, other subjects that were supposed to be minor ones actually seemed to me more as majors! Terror professors and mind-racking quizzes were also met on the way. But what made me go on are the friends by my side, friends whom I know will never leave me behind, friends who gave me memories on ice, movie house, Wackwack, pizza parlor and more. This year, I also worked with some groups, groups that may not have done so well but groups that spent moments with each other, moments that will surely be treasured forever. New people came and went by my life but there were just those friendships made that will certainly (I hope!) last. Furthermore, my learning this year were not just from books or searches on the Internet but from my beloved professors…
Professors whom we nay laugh at or talk about behind their backs
Professors who don’t really teach us our lessons
Professors who don’t even check our attendance
But
Professors who teach us the lessons of life
Professors who bring us closer to reality
Professors who themselves were willing to learn from us

OK, so my 2005 may not be as eventful as yours but still it’s such a blessing that this year’s pain and joy has taught me new lessons, brought me new friends, and left me some simple things to treasure.

c0nFesSi0n #1

Ripped from the Diary of an Aching Heart – my Heart ü

"Women r lyk apples n a tree. The bst ones are at d top. Men don’t want to reach for d gud ones bcoz dey r afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, dey just get d rotten apples frm d ground dat aren’t gud but easy. So d apples on d top thnk sumthin s wrong with dem, wen n reality, dey’r amazng! Dey jst hav 2 w8 4 d ryt man 2 come along, d one hus brave enuf 2 climb d top f d tree."

Won’t it be a case of rationalization if I say that I’m one of those apples at the treetop? Might there be really something wrong with me? Because if there’s none, then I guess it would really be hard to find that one man who’s brave enough to reach up for me.

Am I too high to be reached? Or am I just too rotten that no one dared pick?
…that one man would rather starve than resort to that one last apple that’s me…

The Story of my life (a part)
All throughout my existence, I’ve seen men and boys alike who seem too eager to have a taste of this apple. But all they seemed to want is just one bite. Most of them made a move. Some took a few timid steps up that ladder. Some have tried to reach for it but only one or two were able to get hold of it. And yet for some reasons, they didn’t take a bite but instead they left the apple right where it was. Then, one day one man came, a man who seemed so hungry that his stare enticed the apple to let itself fall right into his hands. But then he just held the apple in his hands for some moment….and in that few moments, the apple seemed to him as not yet ripe, not yet ready to be eaten. And so without taking a bite, he went on with his journey.

Translation:
(They say "walang sikretong hindi nabubunyag", so listen well and read it carefully because these are the things I’m never gonna talk about to anyone in person)

Ever since I walked out of my childhood years, I got lots of stares, smiles and simple hellos that take the form of a hand wave, "hi miss!" or a line that goes by "Pwede makipagkilala?" or "Ingat ka" from different strangers. Some were successful while most were not. But among the successful ones, the steps taken still seem to me as short of courage.

One who got my phone number called me and said "I Love You" and hung up on me Well, I know he isn’t serious but why do it more than once?
One who had my cell phone number sent an anonymous "I Love You" business card. I know he’s just after companionship but why keep my number as if I were already his?
One dared ask if he can be a suitor but after my reluctant "ok lang" and giving away my number why leave me hoping for nothing?
One girl friend even sent me a breath-taking love letter but why let our friendship serve as a barrier?
A stranger even had the guts to dig up some info about me (not a stalker, he dig it up from me) but after a few answers and after shaking my head to some areas in my profile, why let me leave in my own direction and move on with his?

So those few who almost made it there seemed to have gotten scared.

And so I continued to spend my days waiting for the right man to come along. Then the day came, when one who’s not really brave (actually he’s probably the most coward of all) caught my eye. I don’t know how it happened but in that single moment when we looked into each other’s eyes, we seemed to be the only creatures in this world.

He’s so apprehensive that he can’t even get an inch near me. And he really made no move at all except to tell a friend to tell me "Regards" which I only found out after he has already gone(damn!). And yet even before then and even before he let his family know about me, there was already this special feeling…a feeling I can’t quite describe. Some people call it ‘love at first sight’ so I might as well call it that. But I AM NOT AN ADVOCATE!!! And I don’t really think it’s love but it’s something that’s probably close to that. Because in that moment when our eyes met, I knew that there was something!

I can’t call it crush or a simple admiration because my friends and even I myself think there’s nothing in him to be admired. (Oh, I’m sure there is, we just don’t know what!) But then again, it’s because of this reason, my being-still-young and that uncertainty about our future that I let go of him.

I cried when we had to part (well, not really part because we were really never together) but I don’t know why.
Maybe it’s because it’s an opportunity of loving that was lost.
Maybe because the feeling’s really something deep and though we haven’t really said more than a phrase to each other, I’ll be missing him.
Or maybe it’s because he’s the very first guy who had to come and go in such a short span of time.

But the saddest part is that…
The world knew that he liked me so
But what they didn’t know
Is that I liked him too
…not even he…

The other apples on top have already been reached…when will the right man for me come?
Will there really be one brave man who will have the will and strength to reach me from the top?
Or has he already come, but I let go of him…because I thought his bravery isn’t enough…

And what could be the reason those few got scared?
Might it be because though I’m still up by the tree, I’m already rotten?
Or still unwilling to give myself, still unwilling to be eaten?

But still thanks to all of those mentioned for you have given some bit of memory I’ll probably bring with me for the rest of my life!

Baduy...

just see how corny one can get...
written way back I can't remember when

There is this girl I loved the most
Everything in her I can boast
But whenever I see her, all words are lost
I don’t know how much her love would cost

In her eyes I can see gladness
But in my heart there is sadness
Her lips contain happiness
Though mine is so lifeless

Time has passed and a year has gone
The season has come when she is done
Achieving something in the long run
And finally a new stage has begun

Time flies like a dove in the sky
And now is the time to say goodbye
After I’d let all chances pass by
And that I didn’t even cared to try

Now comes the time for us to part
For her it might be easy for a new start
But for me it’s hard, now that we’re apart
And she didn’t even know the feelings of my lonely heart

CRYIN' ON CHRISTMAS MORNIN'

i just thought

Sometimes God lets a problem come when one problem isn’t yet done to make us realize that the tear that currently flows from our eyes is but a droplet in the river of life.

a SMILE amidst TEARS

God is really good…

And it’s so amazing
how He can use a single text to brighten up my seemingly gloomy world,
how with a few simple words, He made a smile surfaced into my sullen face,
and how with the flash of that person’s name on the screen, everything seemed to lighten up

Another reassurance that He watches me, sees my sorrows, and continues to lift up my spirit.

CRYIN' BEFORE CHRISTMAS EVE

Bakit nga ba ako nasasaktan
Gayung kung ako ang nasa iyong kalagayan
Ganun rin naman ang gagawin ko...

Dalangin ko lang ay huwag nang makita ka pang muli
Upang ang paglimot ay sadyang mapadali
At nang mga luha ko'y mapigilan sa walang hintong pagdaloy...

Actually, I realized that it was a form of sin...and so maybe what you did is for the better 'coz by that I was stopped from comitting such a grave sin.

How stupid I could be that I have to realize what I have been doing these past few days only on the last day of my misa de gallo. How strange that every night I contemplate on the life I've lead, on the sins I've done, on the blessings I have to thank for and on the prayers I still ask of Him and still not be able to reflect on that other side of me...that other side which has been pushing itself to the cliff of sins. As I constantly let myself have the most simple joy through God knows what, I have also been letting myself indluge in the ecstasy of sins.

It was just on this 9th night of going to mass when I laid it up to Him. Having done what I had, there could only be two results. One is that I would have the most simple yet most memorable gladness this Christmas and the other would lead to the realization that I shouldn't have done what I had or that I should stop whatever I'm doing.

Well, surely last night it was the latter that happened...and so though now I cry, there's still this gladness in my heart that says I have once again been blessed by being held back from slipping down that cliff. I have the peace that father was talking about. And again, I thank God.

Though you can't forgive me, Jesus has laid down His life for my sins even before I committed them.
And even though you can't love me, I am glad there's still One Up There who loves me no matter what. ü

Lessons I've learned...in c0llege

As I was fixing my room a while ago, I realized that in my entire stay in the university, I've already consumed 6 pieces of highlighter and around 10 refills of my pilot pen. And so I though I'd post over the net some of the lessons I've learned in college:

*One of the greatest challenge to success is overcoming our fears and weaknesses.
*There are lots of my kind in this race...the only way to make a difference is to excel
*I'm almost halfway done so why not pursue (very applicable to acctg majors...and eng?)
*We may have noticed most but not all; for after all, we may have not noticed those who noticed us
*In every journey, there is pain there is joy!
*We have to be flexible---people won't change for us so that sometimes it is us who have to get along with them.
*However kind a person is, there is a limitation...don't push him to the borderline
*A lot of the things written in books and lectured by our professors don't hold true in real life
*Chivalry is not men's responsibility, it is a grace from them...say thanks! or just give 'em your smile...
*Life can't always go as smooth as the way planned it
*A little bit of inspiration helps but not too much obsession (ouch! my grades...)
*Terror profs are a no-no for grades but a hundred % yes for true learning

SUCH A SMALL PROBLEM

Tiny Droplets in a piece of hole(written months ago)

I was pondering on the only piece of hole in my life

When suddenly, rain poured

A woman and a sick-looking baby by my side

A very simple instance

A not-so-unsual kind of event

But then I know God has spoken to me saying

There's an awful lot of bigger problems in this world

And mine is but a trifle thing

How cool...that in mass, God can speak to the people not just through the preacher but also through those other things around...the sound of children's laughter, the people holding hands, the music played by the choir, the cool air that envelops us, the clear night sky and the 'togetherness' of families. God is so wise that He can teach us the reality of the world in that single place.

Realization at mass yesterday:
At each moment especially when I'm about to spend my money again, my head's starting to work and think of ways where I can earn more money and give myself a little something(well maybe something bigger this time).But as I held hands with people who are not as financially fortunate as I am, I thought 'hey, if I'd be drooling over this problem of mine of where to get money, then how much more for these people...'

And so I pondered on...

As I wonder where to get the sum of money I need to purchase the material things I long to have, I saw the number of people at our church who may be wondering each day of their life where to get the money to be able to survive that day...where to get the money to buy food, pay their children's tuition, pay the bills, and so on.

As I think of the reasons why I still haven't met the one meant for me, I see couples getting annuled, divorced, seperated. I see women crying on their own and wondering how to raise a child alone.

As I look at my face in the mirror and wish that I could be made more prettier and sexier (and a lot more taller!) like the women in magazines, ads, and tv, I see people with skin burned, people born with deficiencies and those who really had nothing to spend for some bit of luxury.

As I feel so alone because the friends whom I wish to see and hear from don't bother to even send me a message, I see OFWs, widows, parents with children working abroad.

As I see myself as weak and incompetent compared to friends and classmates aspiring to be top notchers and those who are potential executives, I see disabled people working their way to the top and even showing the whole world that their disbilities can be their strengths.

Realization at mass today:

I've always wished for that day when Christ would come and get me...be it rapture or just a simple death. I don't really know why. I can't exactly say what my problem is(maybe I should see a psychologist? or a psychiatrist? :) ) Anyway, it seemed as though the priest was talking directly to me when he started talking about people asking why they were born or asking the Lord to end up their life.

Hmm...indeed there a lot of people having bigger problems than I do and I'm aware of that. I'm fully aware of all the blessings God has given me. But still that doesn't seem enough for me to go on because I have this belief that everything will be a lot better once I've gone to that other side of life. Who doesn't want a better life anyway? But it's only this day when I was struck with those words...words telling me that my birth, that my life, is celebrated by Jesus himself...that it's His joy, His creation...something that must not be destroyed until the true time has come.

A lesson to be learned

Funny that there are some things which are taught to us a hundred times and still can't penetrate deep into us. This email that has been sent to me a dozen times is just one example:

A beautiful walk
The man whispered, "God, speak to me"
and a meadowlark sang
But, the man did not hear.
So the man yelled, "God, speak to me"
and the thunder rolled across the sky.
But, the man did not listen.
The man looked around and said, "God let me see you."
And a star shined brightly.
But the man did not see.
And, the man shouted, "God show me a miracle."
And, a life was born.
But, the man did not notice.
So, the man cried out in despair, "Touch me God, and let me know you are here."
Whereupon, God reached down and touched the man.
But, the man brushed the butterfly away and walked on.

Don't miss out on a blessing because it isn't packaged the way that you expect.

I'm sure we all ask God for something. May it be a material thing or not, an abstract one, or just a simple specific grace from Him. I myself have been asking Him for something, well actually for many things but then there's this specific little longing I ask of Him to fulfill. But then what if indeed it has already been given to me all along and I just don't take notice of it? What if I neglect it just because it wasn't packaged the way I wanted it to? I believe I have been blessed all my life...we all are...it's just that these blessings come in different packages...and I'm really thankful to God for all those blessings.

Thing is...as part of human nature, there is no contentment and we still ask for something. Moreover, this contenment includes how the gift is wrapped. I know there have been times when instead of thanking Him for the gift, I'd ask for repackaging.

Hmm...indeed, this is one great lesson I still have to learn...

LAST DAY (a sequel to the letter Last Few Days...)

written December 20, 2005 (course card day)

The day has finally come...the day which I wished to have come long ago to end up all the misery the deadlines of papers and exams are bringing...to end the stress, the lack of sleep, the tension...the day which now I wouldn't want to end.

I don't really know why it has to end that way. I thought I won't be seeing you anymore just as I don't see most of my regular classmates on this given day. I'd even prayed for me not to see you again on this last day to make things easier for me. But still I saw you, you were there and you were with that special someone. When times like this happen, I see it as destiny playing its stupid games on me. But now I see another side, the side that says maybe God is just giving me that one last glimpse before I would really have to turn my thoughts and feelings away from you.

I thought it's gonna be easy just as all those in the past have come and gone. And now, I'm actually trying to make the pace of getting over you a little bit faster as I keep myself busy with anything I can lay my hands on. But I was dead wrong, for (this is gonna sound stupid and oh so normal for those in this state of emotions but oh yeah it's true) in every second and in every minute of the day, I'm thinking of you. I hug my pillow tight at night wishing it was you. I wake up each morning still thinking you're with me. I pray for you at mass. I see you with me in every romantic flick. In every meal, I remember that day I saw you at a fast food chain spending some time with a friend and that someone when you yourself weren't eating. In every sport,I wish I'd had a match with you and see just how good you look even as you perspire. And I could just lay down on my bed all day thinking of the things we could do together, places we could go after, and adventures we could go exploring with each other.

But then reality knocks in...and so I just really really hope that someday I would just look at my blog and read this and laugh at my craziness for I know that for us there is no tomorrow.

And since that's the case, I accepted the fact that today may really be the last day...all I wanted was to have something physical as a memory. I know I've done some crazy things these past few days like wanting to take a photographic memory of you, but I don't know if you've noticed. I don't know if that's what has lead to your adverse attitude towards me. I don't know if you are mad at me but you seem to be be avoiding the eye contact i'm making, the only kind of communication we've had ever since.

It hurts to see you with your significant other.
It hurts more that I would have nothing to hold on to.
It hurts most that I would have to know such a wonderful person like you and yet not be given the chance to explore the wholeness of your being.

So the song goes...
And if you still go,I'll understand,would you give me something just to hold on to.And if you'd stay,I'll hold you hand 'coz I'm truly madly crazy in love with you.

(translation to my case)I know you wouldn't stay, I know you'd go away, but all that I hoped for was to have something to hold on to.

But there wasn't but the memory of your face, your moves and those few moments we made contact through our eyes...

So, is this it? I hope not...but then GOODBYE!

but baby goodbye doesn't mean forever, let me tell you goodbye doesn't mean we'll never be together again...

My greatest fear

My greatest fear is to deny myself of true love...that whoch is rarely found.

I don't know when this notion came into my mind but I believe that out of the billions of people who say they're in love, only a tenth are indeed truly in love. Tell me if I'm wrong...but my idea was confirmed by a professor, one whom I will never forget. No, it's not about ABSTINENCE! like what she's looking for. But it's about that true feeling which most of us "bakit single ka pa rin"-people are looking for. Someone whom we often call as "the right one", "my perfect match"(by the way this is different from the perfect man who doesn't really exist) or simply the one whom we can assurely say that we'd want to be spending our lives with...without any doubts or second thoughts.

I don't know if we'll ever find that one person. I can't say if he has already come to my life but I let go of him. I don't know if I'll be able to live up to my stand that I won't let myself be with someone whom I don't really love. For after years and years of waiting and searching, I myself may get tired. I myself may let go of this stand. I may let myself be one of the billions of people who give in to the calling of companionship, of society's critical eyes for singles, and for the life ahead...which most of us fear of facing ALONE

Just sharin' a quote...can relate ba?

A quote from John's blog :)
"I would rather have you in my daydreams
than love you in my real world,
Where I can't own you
and you can't love me back.
At least, there's one moment of my life
when I could keep you
and where you are mine."

It's the typical story of my life...
a story so often shared by most people...
the unspoken drama of every teenager's life...

A Mistake for the Good

Someone sent me this quote the other day:
"D greatest mstakes we make r d risk we didnt take. If u think smethin wil make u hapi, go 4 it! so dat u wont liv ur life askin "WAT IF?" & telln urself "IF ONLY!"

Sounds pretty much like what the song "The Will of the Wind" tells us, huh?
"I spent half my life looking for the reasons thing must change."
"I spent so many hours thinking about the way things might have been"

Indeed, it may be a mistake 'coz we missed something that could have been ours, we let go of an opportunity that is within our hands. But the worst part is that it leaves us thinking of the things that could have been if we only we made that single move...

But....reality checks in....there are some circumstances, where taking those risks imply a much bigger mistake...that which might not be corrected for eternity...that which may leave an empty hole in someone else' life.

Of course I'd agree that we should go for whatever would make us happy but then we also have to consider others' happiness. What if the thing that could make us happy will only leave anoher in tears? I think it would be better for us to sacrifice our own happiness and just let things be the way they are.

I'd rather let these tears continue to flow than be the cause of others' sorrow.

I also believe that we shouldn't seek for our own happiness alone but for the happiness of the one we love and the happiness of the greater society.

"Sometimes to do what's right, we have to be steady and give up the things we want the most.......even our dreams"

To love

To feel without touching
To communicate without speaking
To know he's crying even as he smiles
To laugh about the most simplest of things
To feel his presence even when he's far away
To sleep without dreamin' of him but to wake up each day

.....................................................................................in our reality

Drive For Excellence

Ever since I was a kid, I've bagged awards and recognition. Up until now, I still get a few comments every now and then...most of which are compliments. Medals, trophies and certificates occupy some space in my room. All these and more have been achieved despite the fact that there is but a small amount of effort exerted on my part. I ain't writing to brag about my inherited intelligence and skill(if i really have one) for after all I'm not really one of the top performing students. As a matter of fact, I can't really be proud of any of these achievements(except maybe for one or two). Only a few may understand but there really is something more than numbers that has to be given recognition. One can hardly measure...that drive to succeed. Many have been given the talent but a few have been gifted with the perseverance, the courage to continue despite the failures, the heart that believes he can do it, the mind set on a specific goal and the ability to put more and more effort each time he falls. Now that's what deserves some recognition. I have never earned that one before but hopefully I'm now on my way to it....

ADIK

"Isa pa, isa pa..."
Bakit ba tila'y walang katapusan itong linya
Huli na ito
Titigil na ako
Kinabukasan, makalawa
Akala ko'y nalampasan ko na
Ngunit heto na naman at nagbabalik
Di ko mapigil, sabik na sabik
ADIK!!!
Bumibilis ang tibok ng dibdib
Para bang may kung anong demonyo ang sa aki'y sumasanib
O, Diyos! Tulungan mo po ako
Walang katapusang panalangin ng pagsisisi at walang kamatayang pag-asa ng pagbabago
Iyan na lamang ang aasahan ko

LAST FEW DAYS...(a letter)

When I started this term, there was really nothing that could inspire me to wake up from my sleep and enter this small repository of knowledge. Add to that the quizzes, recitations and piles of papers...the deadlines that we had to meet and the countless sleepless nights we had to survive...All these making me wish that this term will soon be put to an end. During these first few weeks, every day at school seemed to me a burden, one which I was not given any choice but to carry on my journey.

Halfway through, however, without exactly knowing when it started or what exactly turned my world around, everyday became a blessing. All burdens turned into challenges and any mistake seemed to me a lesson to be learned. I can't really determine what triggered it but I know it has something to do with you.

I can still remember that day...by the study hall facing the greeneries, when you came with that special someone.I didn't want to believe it then, told myself you could just be two close friends. But as time passed and as I feed my hunger to see you, I gradually let myself succumb to the fact that you're really together and are happy in each other's arms.

And so as I was given opportunity after every opportunity to show my existence and let you know how I feel,I hold myself back. Indeed I may never know what could have been but I don't think my conscience will be able to take the idea of breaking something special. To profess my feelings in a letter may be but a simple little thing, something you might not even be concerned about, but there's still the possibility that this piece of letter will create a dent on your relationship.

So as I went on with these last few days, I content myself to see you smile, hear your voice, and feel you presence for I know after these remaining days, I'd have to fully let go.


And so that's it
You never knew
We'd never be


And though I made the move to publish this
I believe you'd never come across it
And if you do,I just can tell you'd never know
..........that it is YOU


TC...ü

LaBs kO, lAbS m0

Mahal mo ako
Mahal kita
O di ba't kay saya

Mahal kita
Mahal mo siya
Puso ko'y lumuluha

Mahal mo ako
Mahal ko ay iba
O, bakit ba?!

.....YOU.....

I don't know your name
I don't even know who you really are
But with every glimpse and every stare
My piece of earth is transformed

Ironic as it can be
Heaven and hell are beside me

Heaven...
Because with the sight of you
Every part of me becomes alive
And joy seems to be the only feeling I've ever known

But it feels like hell
Because I know
I can't share this piece of heaven with you
Coz you already have your own piece of heaven with someone else

Yes it hurts
But still...thanks
Because though I was not given the chance to explore the wonder of you
For some moment
You lead me to a place I may never have been

Flower that Blooms

a Flower standing

in the Center of the Field

With Bees around

buzzing and buzzing

But all these remain unnoticed

becasue of the one that Blooms beside

In this place lived various kinds of people....
different tastes, preferrences, looks, abilities...
and still deeper things like traditions, religion, beliefs, principles, and there surely is more to explore.
But when we bump into a person who has a totally different perspective compared to ours, what do we do?

Is there really a need to debate over such matters as one's beliefs.....or do we just let it be...because anyway, changing these things does not entirely lie in our hands. Sometimes, we can't really do anything about it.

Do we really have to understand everything that clashes with our ideas, prinsiples, US? One may pose as our contrary but that doesn't really stop us from interrelating with them.

Yes, we may learn...but I believe there are certain things needed to be left on its own

...not really meant for us to understand.