CRYIN' BEFORE CHRISTMAS EVE

Bakit nga ba ako nasasaktan
Gayung kung ako ang nasa iyong kalagayan
Ganun rin naman ang gagawin ko...

Dalangin ko lang ay huwag nang makita ka pang muli
Upang ang paglimot ay sadyang mapadali
At nang mga luha ko'y mapigilan sa walang hintong pagdaloy...

Actually, I realized that it was a form of sin...and so maybe what you did is for the better 'coz by that I was stopped from comitting such a grave sin.

How stupid I could be that I have to realize what I have been doing these past few days only on the last day of my misa de gallo. How strange that every night I contemplate on the life I've lead, on the sins I've done, on the blessings I have to thank for and on the prayers I still ask of Him and still not be able to reflect on that other side of me...that other side which has been pushing itself to the cliff of sins. As I constantly let myself have the most simple joy through God knows what, I have also been letting myself indluge in the ecstasy of sins.

It was just on this 9th night of going to mass when I laid it up to Him. Having done what I had, there could only be two results. One is that I would have the most simple yet most memorable gladness this Christmas and the other would lead to the realization that I shouldn't have done what I had or that I should stop whatever I'm doing.

Well, surely last night it was the latter that happened...and so though now I cry, there's still this gladness in my heart that says I have once again been blessed by being held back from slipping down that cliff. I have the peace that father was talking about. And again, I thank God.

Though you can't forgive me, Jesus has laid down His life for my sins even before I committed them.
And even though you can't love me, I am glad there's still One Up There who loves me no matter what. ü