IF ONLY...(enough of this)

(written last Sunday,Jan.15)

My horoscope last Sunday,January 15 said:
Stop imagining how things would be 'if only'. Pay attention to the here and now! That's where the real rewards are. Train your awareness to focus on the present, and you'll see just how good your life is.

I don't really believe in horoscopes. But what it said last Sunday is worth noting. It's a really really good advice I must learn to follow.

I should stop myself from daydeaming,
should focus myself on studying.
I must learn to set my feelings free,
must cease this foolish attraction for thee.

I have to cease thinking..
If only I was given the chance
If only you were mine
If only you were free
If only I was.....

I have to look at what's around..
The present not the past
What's now and not what's to be

These past few days, my mind's always somewhere else. I couldn't focus on our lecture and I couldn't even seem to understand the words in our book. Oh yeah, it's a fact that's it's really a little bit of technical. But setting that fact aside, it still seems Greek to me. My mind's travelling at the outer space and...searching for something it couldn't find....grabbing that something it couldn't even hold.

The night before this horoscope was sent, I cried a million tears, thinking...
If only I didn't meet you
Though I've said once that I would never regret having know a wonderful person who can never be mine...right now, I'm thinking what a very happy life I could have had if I had not known that someone. Yeah, I'm breaking my word...but I can't help it anymore because the hurt just seem to break my heart and my whole life into pieces.
If only God gave me a different life
I've come through this thought time and time again. I thought I'm already healed but then someone would come and there goes that thought once more. I couldn't blame Him anyway...in fact, I should be grateful for all the blessings He's showered my life with. But then again I can't help but think of what might have been if I'm not me and if I'm the kind of person that I'd want to be...
If only I was the one...
Of course, who can refrain oneself from thinking of the things that would have happerned if only we were with that person we like.

But hey!
I'm pretty blessed with a wonderful family,
caring and loving friends,
enough money to get me by,
sufficient talent to surprise my audience,
right amount of mind and heart to help and share

It's just too bad I always get occupied by the things that are non-existent in reality. I'm always stuck to that pit of dreaming and how unfortunate that these are the things that I know can never be reached. I always neglect the present, disregarding even the people who are always around me.

So my advice....
Sieze the day! Live now!
Forget about what might have been.
Disregard thoughts that says "if only"
Who knows you(I) might be gone tomorrow!

Who cares if I can't tell that person "I'll love you forever"
There's no forever anyway...