SUCH A SMALL PROBLEM

Tiny Droplets in a piece of hole(written months ago)

I was pondering on the only piece of hole in my life

When suddenly, rain poured

A woman and a sick-looking baby by my side

A very simple instance

A not-so-unsual kind of event

But then I know God has spoken to me saying

There's an awful lot of bigger problems in this world

And mine is but a trifle thing

How cool...that in mass, God can speak to the people not just through the preacher but also through those other things around...the sound of children's laughter, the people holding hands, the music played by the choir, the cool air that envelops us, the clear night sky and the 'togetherness' of families. God is so wise that He can teach us the reality of the world in that single place.

Realization at mass yesterday:
At each moment especially when I'm about to spend my money again, my head's starting to work and think of ways where I can earn more money and give myself a little something(well maybe something bigger this time).But as I held hands with people who are not as financially fortunate as I am, I thought 'hey, if I'd be drooling over this problem of mine of where to get money, then how much more for these people...'

And so I pondered on...

As I wonder where to get the sum of money I need to purchase the material things I long to have, I saw the number of people at our church who may be wondering each day of their life where to get the money to be able to survive that day...where to get the money to buy food, pay their children's tuition, pay the bills, and so on.

As I think of the reasons why I still haven't met the one meant for me, I see couples getting annuled, divorced, seperated. I see women crying on their own and wondering how to raise a child alone.

As I look at my face in the mirror and wish that I could be made more prettier and sexier (and a lot more taller!) like the women in magazines, ads, and tv, I see people with skin burned, people born with deficiencies and those who really had nothing to spend for some bit of luxury.

As I feel so alone because the friends whom I wish to see and hear from don't bother to even send me a message, I see OFWs, widows, parents with children working abroad.

As I see myself as weak and incompetent compared to friends and classmates aspiring to be top notchers and those who are potential executives, I see disabled people working their way to the top and even showing the whole world that their disbilities can be their strengths.

Realization at mass today:

I've always wished for that day when Christ would come and get me...be it rapture or just a simple death. I don't really know why. I can't exactly say what my problem is(maybe I should see a psychologist? or a psychiatrist? :) ) Anyway, it seemed as though the priest was talking directly to me when he started talking about people asking why they were born or asking the Lord to end up their life.

Hmm...indeed there a lot of people having bigger problems than I do and I'm aware of that. I'm fully aware of all the blessings God has given me. But still that doesn't seem enough for me to go on because I have this belief that everything will be a lot better once I've gone to that other side of life. Who doesn't want a better life anyway? But it's only this day when I was struck with those words...words telling me that my birth, that my life, is celebrated by Jesus himself...that it's His joy, His creation...something that must not be destroyed until the true time has come.